The Cellulite Investigation began in a box-sized room with relentless lights, glaring white walls, and several large unavoidable mirrors.
No, it wasn’t an interrogation room in a top-secret detention center. On the contrary, this is a nightmare to which most of you can relate, I’m sure. I was trying on clothes in a department store dressing room.
It was the perfect atmosphere for a cellulite crisis. I was attending graduate school in Scotland where the climate was cold so I hadn’t seen my thighs in months. Or my boyfriend, for that matter, who would soon be making the trans-Atlantic trip for a much anticipated visit. I was standing in the aforementioned dressing room because I wanted to buy something pretty for the occasion. On top of all that, I was about to turn thirty.
The reality of my upcoming thirtieth birthday forced me to admit the one little truth that changed everything: if I was not successful at shedding my cellulite by now, chances are it would be with me for the REST OF MY LIFE.
Following previous cellulite crises of this nature, my normal reaction was to exercise more, eat less, and invest in the latest anti-cellulite product
But because I had just started graduate school, I responded to the fitting room incident with a more studious approach, albeit one I found just as instinctual. Instead of jumping into another round of the same unsuccessful treatment options, what if I put my analytic training to work and opened an investigation on cellulite?
The concept behind the Cellulite Investigation is to leverage the power of the Internet to collect real-world intelligence on the dreaded blight. These are the techniques for gathering evidence we’ve been using so far. Can you think of anything we’re missing?
- Cellulite News from Around the World: Here at CI, we continually monitor the global chatter for the latest cellulite breakthroughs, from the newest cellulite studies, products, and treatments to the most recent sighting of celebrity dimple (although we try not to focus too much attention on the latter. After all, celebs with cellulite are women with cellulite, too).
- Victim Accounts: Through our Cellulite Stories column, we gather valuable intelligence about REAL women and their cellulite experiences. We learn at what age cellulite develops, how it fluctuates over the years, and what treatments work or don’t work on an individual level.
- Requests for Information: When we identify an intelligence gap, we might send out an official Request for Information (RFI) to gather evidence from CI readers. We’ve already collected valuable intel through the RFI process, and it’s sure to be an important tool as the investigation continues to grow.
- Expert Testimony: Despite the raging cellulite epidemic, the world is not lacking in cellulite experts. Most specialize in a specific avenue of treatment. At the Cellulite Investigation, we interview relevant experts and incorporate their findings into our dog-eared CI files.
- Good ol’ Fashioned Research: Through the Cellulite Book-of-the-Month (BOTM) research group, we pour over the published literature on cellulite and add new evidence to the case.
The Cellulite Investigation has only one goal: to help REAL women find REAL solutions for treating cellulite.
I’m not talking about anti-cellulite creams that provide subtle and temporary results, or expensive salon treatments that never address what caused the cellulite in the first place. The goal of the Cellulite Investigation is to uncover the truth about what causes cellulite so we can eliminate the cause and allow our bodies to heal themselves.
Here are the top three reasons why our Cellulite Investigation will succeed in accomplishing its goal, despite its humble beginnings.
- The conventional wisdom on cellulite is not supported by the evidence. If cellulite is purely a cosmetic issue, it wouldn’t be physically painful. If cellulite is purely genetic, it would not fluctuate so chaotically within the lifespan of one woman. If cellulite is untreatable, no woman would ever have successfully treated it. In all of these situations, the evidence indicates to the contrary.
- The Cellulite Investigation is not biased towards finding a marketable product. Anti-cellulite treatments are a massive billion-dollar-per-year industry. How will the Cellulite Investigation beat them to finding a real cure for the blight? The answer is simple. The real cure for cellulite can’t be bottled and sold, so the industry will never find it. Even if they did find it, they probably wouldn’t sell it to you because then we wouldn’t have cellulite anymore and that would be bad for business.
- We already know the cure for
cellulite, we just don’t know that we know it. I’m using “we” in the broadest sense of the word here. I believe that collectively, we already know the cure for cellulite. Some women know a certain food or event that caused their cellulite. Others know a change in diet or an exercise program that remedied it. If we gather all this evidence, we can synthesize it into a theory on cellulite that will be much greater than the sum of its parts.
So what do you think? Do we have a shot at solving the case?
You might also like:
Who is the Cellulite Analyst?
Cellulite FAQ’s
The Fluoride File
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The lymphatic theory is very interesting. Osteopathic physicians have long known of the association of lymphatic flow and visceral disease and treatment. Perhaps further study will show a significant association with cutaneous and sub-cutaneous conditions.
That's exactly what osteopathic physicians in France are discovering, physicians like Dr. Bruno Chikly, author of "Silent Waves: Theory and Practice of Lymph Drainage Therapy."
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