What is Cellulite? The Conventional View

You can imagine ANALYST’s excitement when, just as she officially launched The Cellulite Investigation, The Oprah Show announced an upcoming episode called “Ask Dr. Oz.”  Viewers rushed in with their most pressing medical questions.  Cellulite was the headliner.  The episode was classic Dr. Oz.  He discussed everything from botox to bladder control.  He vigorously demonstrated a kegel exercise on national television, and admitted to lying in bed at night while wondering things like, “why do we have pubic hair?”

In spite of his trademark enthusiasm, Dr. Oz’s prognosis on cellulite was less than optimistic.  As he explained, the way our bodies store fat is genetic.  When the fat cells are doing their job, they suck in as much fat as they can and then they expand.  His description was accompanied by larger-than-life video animation of a woman standing at the refrigerator as the marshmallowy fat cells in her colossal legs grew increasingly bigger.

How do you get rid of it?  Dr. Oz pointed out that anti-cellulite treatments are a massive billion-dollar business, from creams and balms to salon procedures that involve rolling and smacking.  In his assessment, the one thing they all have in common is that they don’t really work.  While some treatments might yield short-term results by causing swelling in the surrounding tissue, they won’t last long.  “You can’t put a cream on and get inside the fat cell,” he explained.  His logic was compelling.

Dr. Oz concluded the segment with a final observation. “The guys don’t care that much,” he reassured his disappointed audience, “they really don’t.”  And that was it.  It’s genetic.  Treatments don’t work.  Guys don’t care.  Move on.

But as any devoted Dr. Oz fan knows, there is one precautionary course of action a patient can always take when confronted with an unsatisfying or bleak diagnosis.  Seek a second opinion.